So

I was looking through the telly pages and I saw a program called 100 Greatest Disses. Awesome! I thought. What's it going to have? The battle between Biggy and Tupac? Sage Francis' Anticon diss? MF Doom dissing himself? Eminem's "Nobody listens to techno"? Will Smith's diss on Eminem?






And then I saw it was 100 Greatest Dishes, and I lost interest.

A challenge

Find something other than dried pasta which you can easily eat in the shower.

A decision.

When I become a porn star, my porn name is gonna be "Studly Mayhem".

This evening

My mother: So I had to go to the doctor's today, to sort out my arm, and I didn't clock back in at work! So they thought I was out all along, even when I cam back, so I had to go to Ian, and he said "Do you have proof", and I didn't, but Ian's like that, really. So then I... [five minutes later] ...And then it turns out that I didn't clock out the previous night, so the computer thought that I was there all night, except that it automatically clocks everyone out at 4PM, and...

Me: Shut the hell up. No-one cares about your stupid boring story.





Guess which part of the above conversation didn't actually happen.

When

I see people standing next to each other talking on their mobiles, I like to pretend they're talking to each other.

Anjosophobia

An irrational fear of Antony and the Johnsons.

I

listened to this guy and a moth flew into my room.



I don't know if this is a coincidence or not.